Keeping the faith

Courtesy of Ashlyn Martin


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Ever since I was small, I was brought in a church, where I was taught to have faith and trust in God, even when you can’t see him, or feel him, or hear him. Now, for me, a younger child to be hearing all of this, it was difficult for me to process. I mean think about it, I was a kid, everything that I believed in, I could see it, or hear it, or touch it. But, I still found a way to love God in my heart and have faith in him nonetheless. But, what happens when your faith is tried? What happens when you feel like you have no faith left? In the summer of 2013, my father passed away. I was always a daddy’s girl, he was my best friend, him and my mom were the two people that I wanted to make the proudest in life. I had so many things that I wanted to accomplish just for them. Just to hear him tell me that he was proud of me, made me work ten times harder.

When I got the news that he passed away, angry wasn’t the word to describe how I was feeling. I was hurt, livid, and dismal all at the same time. The feelings were so strong that they made me physically hurt as well. I was so angry at God more than anyone, I didn’t understand why he would take someone away from me, that made me so happy. My faith was completely gone. It stayed that way for a while, I still went to church, but I felt that my faith was no more. I wasn’t myself either, I became very sad, and I wasn’t on my work like I used to be. It was almost as if I had changed into another person. I didn’t want to see myself go downhill, so one day I decided to say a prayer. And I prayed, and prayed and let all my grieving pains, my anger, my depressions just fall unto him. And as time went by, it still hurt, I think it always will, but I was slowly, but surely becoming myself again.

I was back on my work, making great grades, praying more, smiling more, things were working out for me again. This all goes back to my faith, even though I couldn’t see God anymore, or hear him, I trusted him, and trusted that he would make me better and allow me to feel whole again. And he did. To this day, my faith is stronger than it’s ever been and I don’t think it will ever falter.